Jokes

The Blonde in the Casino.

 

An  attractive blonde from Essex arrived and  places a twenty-thousand pounds bet on a single roll  of the dice.

 

She said, 'I hope you  don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely  nude'.

 

 

With that, she stripped  from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

 

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and  down and squealed...

 

 'YES! YES! I  WON, I WON!'

 

 

She hugged each of the dealers and  then picked up her winnings and her clothes then  she quickly departed.

 

 

The  dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

 

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought  you were watching.'

 

 

MORAL OF THE STORY?

 

 

Not all Essex girls are stupid  and not all Blondes are Dumb,

 

But  all Men are  Men.

A young man named Gordon bought a horse from an old farmer for £100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day, but when the farmer drove up he said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news... the horse is on my truck, but unfortunately he's dead.'

Gordon replied, 'Well then, just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'I can't do that, because I've spent it already.'

Gordon said, 'OK then, we'll just unload the horse anyway.'

The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'

Gordon answered, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'  To which the farmer exclaimed, 'Surely you can't raffle off a dead horse!'

But Gordon, with a wicked smile on his face said, 'Of course I can, you watch me.  I just won't bother to tell anybody that he's dead.'

A month later the farmer met up with Gordon and asked, 'What happened with that dead horse?'

Gordon said, 'I raffled him off, sold 500 tickets at two pounds a piece, and made a huge, fat profit!!'

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, 'Didn't anyone complain that you had stolen their money because you lied about the horse being dead?'

To which Gordon replied, 'The only guy who found out about the horse being dead was the raffle winner when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him his £2 raffle ticket money back plus an extra £200, which as you know is double the going rate for a horse, so he thought I was a great guy!!'

Gordon grew up and eventually became the Chancellor of the Exchequer, and no matter how many times he lied, or how much money he stole from the British voters, as long as he gave them back some of the stolen money, most of them, unfortunately, still thought he was a great guy.