Unforgivable Vices

Hi Diana:  I hate to sound unsympathetic, but apart from the profoundly mentally ill, the vast majority of people can stop any vice if they really want to.  And that's the key, do we really want to?  I think we all have something we'd like to change about ourselves, but we don't because the true desire to change isn't really there.  I'm not a psych professional, but I think a lot of people use their past as a crutch or an excuse to go on behaving badly.  Everything that goes wrong in their lives, and I mean everything, is always somebody else's fault.  But every day, we wake up with choices before us.

And I agree, there is definitely a difference between a vice and pure unadulterated evil.  But if something bad in a person's life is allowed to snowball because "it's not my fault," that's where evil can get a foothold and begin to supplant vice.   Most child abusers were themselves abused children.  No role model, no guidance, and little if any love, what we all need more than anything. But many have made the choice to break the cycle.

Having come from a loving and supportive family, I guess it's easy for me to point fingers, not knowing first hand what battles such children fight as they're becoming men and women.    So if these comments offend anybody, my apologies, that's not what I intend. 

Ruth, I for one do not find your comments offensive, to the contrary, I always find your opinions insightful and well thought out. 

Your point about people using their past as an excuse for bad behavior is certainly true, and the post I made earlier about the priest with a predilection for pedophilia was the perfect example of someone taking responsibility for his life. Ultimately, I don't know if pedophiles can be "cured", but my feeling is, whether they can or can't, there is a difference between curing the craving for an addiction and controlling the behavior.  I crave simple carbohydrates but I know that if I give in and eat a diet rich in this substance I will suffer with many allergic reactions and become as large as a house. Therefore, I choose to drastically reduce my intake of this (to me) poisonous substance.

It's the same with alcoholism or drug addictions. I find it profoundly annoying that they are now labeling these life-style choices as "diseases". It totally absolves people of personal responsibility. I know a young man right now who is in his late 30's and does not drink alcohol (and never has), simply because alcoholism runs in his family, and he reasoned that if there is something in his genes that predisposes him to become addicted to alcohol, then he would simply avoid the problem all together by choosing to live a teetotaller life style.

When choices are labeled diseases and we thus feel justified in relinquishing the need to take personal control, how long before we are overtaken by complete anarchy?

And when people are stuck with the disease label, not only does it give them the excuse not to make choices that will improve their lives, it also takes the power away from them to do it.  They need to be told that the power to change is in their hands.  Yes, it's a struggle.  Yes, it often takes years or decades.  Yes, it's a battle with demons.  They won't do it until they're ready to, but it's doable.  Especially, if like they teach in the 12-step programs, you call on your Higher Power (aka God).