Just for fun!

Things Actually Said in Court
Submitted by maryjo garascia

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
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And the best for last?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

LOL that is hilarious. Thanks for sharing.

that's as about as bad as when we actually did that murder case as jurors, we had to take notes you know on it all..we got back into the ante room to discuss our notes for the day..and it went something like this...

Juror 1..did he say that he alapped her before they got into the arguement?

Juror number 2..Let me see, my notes say he called her an dam f>>>Bitch and then slapped her..

Juror 3..No, he called her an c...t.. and then what you said....but I don't have he slapped her...

Juror 4..(by then we are all laughing)...no because it was then that she "wet all over him"..rember they were having sex, and he grabbed her with an knife to her throat...because he was on "Meths" at the time.. 

We just shook our heads, closed our notebooks, and went home for the day.....

Hope that wasn't to graphic for you people, but there, you know what went on behind doors. We started that case in Sept with jury selection, went on to the trial itself, and deliberations, taking us up to the Friday before Thanksgiving, in November... and came back for the verdict two weeks later. This was no was he "guilty", everyone knew that, this was rather he was did this murder "premediated" or simpy was "iinsane" when he did it...we gave that verdict in the end. Had it bveen "pre-mediated" he would of gotten the death penalty. Both sides threw everything they could to make us think their way. It was an day of laughs.... though strange at that...I guess because we felt so akward amoung us having to discuss it .  Klinker of it all, if we'd not had the trial when we did, they had held him in the state hopsital for so long, that in just weeks after the trail he could of been an free man out walking the streets...because he didn't get an "speedy trail" by our laws. As it was... the judge gave him 27 years...with no probation for good behavior. We think he simply flipped, with memories of supposedly his father coming home when he was an young kid and himself on "Meth"... doing an homosexual act on him as an child..from whom he had no escape from....as an "punishment" to the kid.  It is truly sad our way of morals an dlife has stupped so low in society as to ever have this kind of thing going on to begin with. Here was an abused child, that grew up to abuse...he murdered. He flipped an stabbed his 8 year old step-sister 17 times, thinking in his mind he was killing his father for all the hurt he'd done to him.  He was showing remorse for his little step-sister, he never met to kill her. Surprisingly the father had cleaned up his act also, by the time he had an second family. but it came to late, we didn't hear the father's side of this, he had already died  of cancer. The other two little boys were given out by the court to some church members that took them in to raise them. With the news TV crew there, covering this and the police present, it made me feel like I was doing an episode of "CSI" or some such show on TV..it kind of covered it all.