I really need my friends right now

Cathy, your husband is was very wrong, but are you surprised by his non-action? And your daughter is a teenager, driven by hormones and her own battles, I wouldn't put too much store in what she says. Sometimes kids just want to hurt you, and when they are teenagers, they usually know just how. I remember telling my mother I hated her, just because I was angry I didn't get something I wanted, and of course I didn't hate her. So as far as your girl goes, I know it hurts, but step back, take some deep, cleansing breaths and tell yourself (over and over if you have to), that she is just being a silly teenager.

As for your husband, I don't know what to say. He is what he is, and I doubt you are going to see any change in him short of an act of God (which is not unknown).

Chin up girl!  We are here for you to unload.

Well then Cathy you have to do it!!  you have to put your foot down and take control!!  seriously, and don't take this the wrong way, you know i don'yt mean this nastily!  but you really have to take control of your own life, your daughter will look to you as a role model,whether you realise that or not, she doesn't want to see a weak person, a teenager will test the boundries, constantly, they say nasty things etc...  they do stupid things,  you need to show her there are boundries. Now i can't tell you how you do this, not by aggression , but by been strong!! but you really do need to. Don't rely on your husband to do the correcting!!  you may not think this is right, but you might find he see's a new Cathy if you act a little stronger!! don't make yourself a victim Cathy! you really don't have to you know!  be clever, don't just wilt and run for sympathy when the going gets tough, you'll find it quite empowering!! 

Hope i've not overstepped the mark Cathy, but its as if you need someone to say this to help you?  I'm not been horrible honest i'm not!

I agree with Jason 10,000%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember the boots Cathy...it's time to put them on.

Thank you Sue. I am trying too.

Jason, I can't thank you enough just for posting. Shows how much you care and I appreciate it more than you can imagine. You are not over stepping any boundaries. I have been strong. Been the one to be strong the past 18 years. Even then it wouldn't matter how I corrected her. She would have an attitude that she could care less. She has even gotten physical back. It's not as if I haven't tried believe me. I think now is the time to let go. Let her be with her father and see it is not what it is cracked up to be. She is one who has to learn the hard way. 

As for me, I have been fighting for so long that I am worn out. I am hoping that my two weeks away in April will help me recuperate enough to deal with the rest. And the rest will be not letting them get to me or hurt me anymore. Let's see how well they get along without me then!! (Keeping the boots on!!). Getting a divorce and a job and my own place. Taking care of me. 

Thank you Krissy! 

I agree with Sue, Jason & Krissy, Cathy. Your husband was probably enjoying seeing her being disrespectful as he sees it as one point to him. You should go to see a solicitor and plan your escape from him carefully.

It is hard to be a teenager - I was a nightmare at age 15 to 16. I was completely out of control. My Mom used to rant & rave but my Dad used to just pull up in the car after searching the streets for me after midnight, open the door and not say a word about where I had been or how drunk I was. He just used to say "Your Mom's worried about you". I got through it and realised how lucky I was to have such wonderful parents. It must be even harder for Elsie knowing you two don't get on and also with her illness. She would probably be better off if you did split up. There is nothing worse than constant tension at home. Sometimes people stay together for their children and really don't realise this.

Excellent point Steph!

One more thing.  Don't give up on Elsie. Don't leave her behind. She would remember that for the rest of her life. Never give up on trying to patch up your relationship with her. Even now while she is ranting and raving and behaving badly and saying nasty things....don't give up on her!! Deep down inside every child needs her mother. My mother did something similiar to us kids growing up. She remarried a man that was not kind. He did not like us kids and treated us very badly. But my mother would just shrug her shoulders and remain loyal to her husband. And believe you me...it took a HUGE toll on us....even into adulthood. If my mother had stood up for us and showed some loyalty toward us things would have turned out much differently..and for the better.  Kids remember everything their parents do. If I had known my mom had even TRIED to make it better, I would feel completely different about things.

Point is....Don't leave your girl in the dust. Maybe this her cry for help...maybe this is the only way she knows how to get your attention.

As far as your husband goes...just go. You can. I've done it twice with nothing each time and made it. I'm better now than I've ever been.