Howzabout a joke?

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Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA	quotePosted at 19:00 on 22nd January 2009 A young Scottish lad and his lassie were sitting on a low stonewall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss" The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts." "Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps its aboot time you let me poot me hand on your leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her leg. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts." The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," he said. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. Then he blurted out, "Din'na ye think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?" My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Shirley K. Lawson Posts: 2310 Joined: 17th Jul 2008 Location: USA	quotePosted at 19:12 on 22nd January 2009 Ok, Bob...I heard it a bit different,...no, I better not come to think of it...public forum. My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA	quotePosted at 10:42 on 23rd January 2009 And then the fight started... My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust. And then the fight started... My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since. 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'You still have good eyesight. And then the fight started..... I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of brown ale for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started..... Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible. ' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ... My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And then the fight started.... I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started..... Edited by: Bob T at:23rd January 2009 10:44 My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Sue H Posts: 8172 Joined: 29th Jun 2007 Location: USA	quotePosted at 15:01 on 23rd January 2009 Bob! You are hilarious! As a fattie, I have to say I like this one the best My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale. My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
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