Hi y'all

Hi y'all, appears theres bin some dude bad mouthing this ere place. wont have my old friends and ther kin made little of while i'm around these parts. im just strollin over to the chuck wagon, i'll keep an eye out for the critter and give him a piece of my little old mind if i chance accross im. take care ya'all!

was ridin with the lone Ranger a while back, chanced upon a bunch of them ther hostile injuns. they buried us up to our necks in dirt. good thing he was with me, he told them ther injuns that he used to ride with one of their kin folk, Tonto. One of ther kind, an old fella, remembered, and gave us a last request. The lone Ranger wispered in his old hosses ear and an hour later came it back with the prettiest little whore as everwalked this earth. She was without her clothes, she rubbed herself against his head, got back on the old hoss and galloped off. I asked him what was all that fuss about? dont know, he said, the old hoss must have gone deaf, I told it to go fetch a possie.

Heres one for you Ron

A non Englishman lands at Heathrow on a jumbo jet from foreign lands and talks his way past the immigration officer with a sorry, contrived tale of woe, misery and persecution.
He's sitting in the hall wondering how he's going to past immigration when he feels a light tug at the leg of his pyjamas and looks down to see a tiny man with large ears and a pointy hat.

"Who are you?" asks the traveller
The little man replies "I'm the immigration fairy".
"As the one thousandth sorry case to blag his way into the U.K. today I can grant you three wishes."
The traveller can't believe his luck but ponders on his choices for a moment and says "OK",
"First of all I'd like to be wealthy beyond anything I could have made back in my homeland."

The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done"
The traveller finds he has a English state benefits book in his hands. He goes on to say “Thank you kind fairy",
"Now I'd like to live for free in a wonderful home, grander than anything I could have built out of mud back home"

The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done."
The traveller finds he's now holding the keys to a five bed roomed council house in the city.

He can't believe his luck but thinks his next choice will be the clincher to beat his wildest fantasies.

"Fairy," he says "I want to fit in and be treated like I've lived here all my life".
"Make me an Englishman."
The fairy claps his hands and says "It is done"
The traveller finds he's now dressed in a pinstripe suit, with an umbrella

But the house keys and his benefit book have disappeared.

Dismayed he asks the fairy "What happened to my other wonderful gifts?"

The fairy replies "Well, Sunshine".
"If you want to live like an Englishman in the U.K."
Then you're entitled to "F*** - All."

 

Believe it or not, Michael, your "fancy dress" is pretty typical around these parts.  lol

Wait'll Aunt Miya gits a look at you!  lol

lordy michael. yew be lookin like tha spittin image of my cousin cletus. only yew be easier on tha eyes. cletus be orally challenged. he got teeth whut knock yew into tha next county win he smiles.

now ware be tha cutie patootie ruth used ta be sweet on?