Capital Punishment

I was re-reading some of the older threads and decided to resurrect this one.

Sue, your comment about wanting to see child molesters "done away" with, but not desiring the same thing for the man who abused you as a child is apparently a very common phenomenon.

But, I wonder why? What is the psychology behind this? Many people who have endured sexual child abuse can find it in their hearts to forgive their offender. But when it comes to the fate of other child abusers in general they are vehement about wanting to see them swing.

Do you think it has something to do with the need to separate ourselves from our own pain and abusive past that makes it easier to forgive, more so than true "forgiveness"?

Your thoughts my fellow POE'ers?

I think it's only certain body parts that I'd like to see done away with, Diana, if you get my drift.

As for your question to Sue, I'm guessing that when it's personal, something that happened to you, the need to forgive is really a matter of your own emotional survival.  Your hatred and need to strike back doesn't do a thing to harm the one who harmed you, but will eat you up inside.  I think it's probably a part of the process of letting go and moving on with your life.

But when something happens to you that's so unspeakably horrible, any person who cares about their fellow beings would not want to see it ever again repeated against anybody.  How many times have we said, "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy"?  So that's why it's so hard to forgive the stuff that happens to others, it's not something we have to live with on a daily basis, but we want to see children protected and justice carried out.

Hello Ruth, and thanks for your insightful comments. As usual! :-)

Yes, I think that's what I meant when I mentioned the need to separate ourselves from the pain and the past. It is a matter of personal survival.

I see the same phenomenon among members of an ex-jw (Jehovah's Witnesses) group I established. Many (not all) embroil themselves in anti-cult rallies, picketing the Witness's functions, etc.

The need to let go of their anger and move on with their lives is hard for them. For many, it's the only life they've ever known, so it's complicated by the fact that they not only are trying to make the psychological break from the society but they have to make peace with the years they lost while they were a part of it in the process.

They don't see it (at least not initially) but to the degree they let anger and hatred cause them to engage in such behaviours they are still being controlled by the group.

They haven't found that place of forgiveness yet. Consequently, they are eaten up with hatred and bitterness. It's very sad.

It's probably that way in any type of support group, Diana.  If you have something going on in your life over a period of years, it's often more painful to move on than to simply endure what you've grown accustomed to.  I think that's why so many people languish for years in abusive marriages.  So when you finally make the change and then make the issue a "cause," you're trying to right the ship, so to speak.  So maybe a lot of the process of trying to do that by "saving everybody else from that evil" can often get you stuck and unable to move forward.  You've got to take care of yourself and your own problems before you can take on somebody else's.

I'd read that the founder of MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Drivers) was so angry about her daughter's death at the hands of a drunk driver that she threw herself, body and soul, into the "cause" and ten years later realized that she'd never grieved her daughter's death.  

I think that's the idea of support groups.  People who've "been there" can often point that out to you.

Again, very good points, Ruth. I know in my groups case, some of the members are still active in the Witnesses and very afraid of being found out. That's why I don't allow group pictures, nor can anyone just look at our member roster.

Some of my members are in the most heart wrenching positions. One is a young woman whose entire family for generations are threatening to disown her and never speak to her again if she should leave. Another is a man whose wife has promised him that he'll never be allowed to see his children again. The heart breaking stories go on and on.

Emotional blackmail is a horrible thing!

Oh, that's horrendous, Diana.  No wonder religion gets such a bad name, especially among non-believers.  Your members who are suffering because of this emotional blackmail are in my prayers.

My friend Sandi is a former JW, but her family was never part of them, so it wasn't so bad for her to leave.  There's a high profile murder case going on in Phoenix, right now.  An Iraqi born man who killed his 22-year old daughter by running her down with a car because she was too westernized and bringing dishonor on the family.  She had an American boyfriend, and refused to go back to Iraq to marry the guy the family set her up when she was 3.  So I guess this brings us back to the subject of capital punishment......