Do you listen?

Just to throw a spanner in the works ......!

I believe that to be a true friend you should be able to do both - we all need to listen to our friends troubles but sometimes we all need to be heard too! I think I am mix and I think that is a healthy balance!

I know some people who are great listeners but never share their troubles. Sometimes you really wish they would. Troubles eat away inside them and if only they would share them they might feel better. I also know people who only want to tell you their problems and don't want to listen to yours. I just tend to hear them out. There is a mother at school like this - everyone runs off from her as she is a bit strange and people can't believe it when I don't but I'm quite fond of her really!

 I think each situation is different too. Sometimes people need to hear your experiences back so that it helps them put their own problems into perspective and other times you just know that quoting your own experiences just will not help especially if they are trivial in comparison. For example the woman I mentioned above was talking to a mother from the school who's child died in her arms. She said to her that she knew how she felt because her son had been rushed into hospital and she thought he would die. We were all horrified - how could she say that as she still has her son and she couldn't possibly know how that grieving mother felt.

So I think a balanced view is best and I try to judge each situation as they arise so hopefully I can get it right at least some of the time!

You know, over the years I've beenwith so many good friends through deaths, that I have come to almost never saying good-bye to people instead I say "later" in hopes it is indeed an later time to see them. There is nothing to  be said when someone dies..nothing is kind enough no matter how much you  mean it..only "time" can slowly heal the hurt,,and the memories are there forever.

Sometimes its not what you say, but what you dont say thats heard. he that shouts the loudest isnt usualy the one with anything worth listening to. As in good comunication, if its short and to the point it stays with you, but if its long and drawn-out  the human mind wanders and misses the topic. 

A good example is in the last two postings above. Shirley (bless) who I'm sure is a lovely lady, posts a  massive topic and is probly right in what she is saying, but because its so long the reader (or listener) will jump sentances and maybe miss the point entirely.

Whilst Bobs response is only two words but tells you immiediatly what he means.

Is this why men usually zone out while a woman is trying to tell them something, Michael!! LOL!!!

You have a good point. I tend to beat the dead horse a bit too long I think. I'll have to keep this in mine next time I have something to say.

 that's true, staying to shorter words for me is usually an sign of "directness" rather then informality. Perhaps why I talk so much and I know many of my posts are long ones here, I guess I to try to give examples rather then being to direct which could hurt feelings also. When I'm in charge of things you will often find me looking you straight eye to eye and simply saying "yes" or "no" to an request..and meaning it.  Short sentences don't tell me to much about you either other then we might or might not disagree...but it tells me nothing of the kind of person you are in ways...what you have had to expereinced in your life. Not that I need an long detailed drawn out story on it either. I guess "balance" is the way to go..it always has been in ways. Balance is the way to go.