Do you listen?

Given this today on a bereavement awareness course, thought it was quite nice, it made me smile, i know a few people that don't listen!!  hopefully I do!!

You are not listening to me when:

You say you understand.

You have an answer for my problem, before i've finished telling you my problem,

You cut me off before i've finished speaking,

You finish my sentences for me.

You are dying to tell me something,

You tell me about your experiences,

Making mine seem unimportant,

You refuse my thanks by saying you really haven't done anything.

..........

I like this!!!  My biggest pet peeve is when I'm cut off mid sentence!! That's when I know I'm not being heard!!!

Good one Jason! 

You are listening when:

You really try to understand me,

Even if i'm not making much sense,

You grasp my point of view, even when its against your own sincere convictions,

You realise that the hour i took from you has left you a bit tired and drained,

You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions, even though you think they are wrong,

You do not take my problem from me, but allow me to deal with it in my own way,

You hold back the desire to give me good advice,

You do not offer me religious solace when you sense i am not ready for it,

You give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on,

You accept my gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know that you have been helpful.

Now this I love!!! 

It's great to have this type of friend in your corner!!!

Some of  those statements are contriditory from one paragraph to the second series of statements. Communication techniques depend on the what' s going on...how its said...one' sphysical hearing abilty. Your probably going to be lstened better by an boss at his desk and your sitting in a chair in front of him then you are going to be listend by your wife with an armful of dirty clothes in her arms headed for the laundry with three kids, one playing and two arguing over some trivial thing she's trying to resolve as your talking to her. I have an hearing problem..I have an hard time hearing tones for the most part..I nearly always have an conitnual high picted "static sound going on overlayered with an pulsing beating  going on in my ears before you ever say an thing to me. One sound they tell me is tinitus, and the other they tellme is the sound of my heart pumping bloodthrough my arteries...so with background noise..I don't hear very well. Then I'll tell you one thing also...nurses talk low like they don' t want anyone to think you have an medical problem and some people havemonotone voices and sudued expressions...and if you dare ask over or say you didnt' hear something to say "What?"...you often get an sacratsic WHAT?...said to you right back. You arrticle is more about "awareness" by someene then it is "listening" to IMHO. I had an astrolgy  sheet around here one time that said I was inutive enough that I could often know what peopelwere going to say before they say it, but some ofthat also comes from knowing an persons"style" before they talk also. Point in question.. I was at work trying to do my ususal seven things at once and someone asked me an question and before I got the chance to answer they said..I know...Just an minute!..which was what I said,when what I really meant was "take a ticket and wait yoru turn"really. We laughed about it as I shook my head "yea!" Communications go both ways, to be heard you have to make the opportunity there to be heard to the person you want to talk to..and remeber if your an speech giver, the average human being can not retain more then 20 mins of "message" at an time..they will forget anything over that ususally....so  back up speeches with other data and ways to "catch" people's attention. the rest involves common curtesy perhaps. But there some peopleout there that refuse to give another the "floor" to talk and interrrupting is about the only way to get an word in edgewise also. I know that one time I had an "emergency" to convey and was made to stopwhile another finshed  the talking to someone else...I finally said real loud..I'm sorry to interrupt so an forth just pulled their cathar out and they need you in room such an such immediate...it's like an bloodbath goingon..well.both people took off for room such an such...do you think I wasn't "listening"..well maybe..but there was indeed an pressing problem at hand. One time we were having problems galoreat work and in came ouradminsitrator with an group of people on her tail..and I fiished her talking with what was bothering me and she threw an whole stack of clean towels across the room..that sent everyone running out the door...I looked at her and said..Well.it' s  nice to know your "human" these days...meaning she had reached her limits to the complaints she could take that day...she said I'm sorry for that..Can't you handle this problem yourself today ..I said..Yes..but I never know if what I woulddotosolve it would be what you would want done to solve it...she said..you have the authroityto work it out the best you can without me right now...OK?..yeah..OK! Later she came back and she said I resolved it well. One of the the best techinques to grab attetntion with is displayedall the time by our very own "Ray" right here...he's looking straight at you making eye contact...in his avatar. Communicating keeps an good many busness seminars going on around the woerld every year...though mos to fthose seminars ar enot geared toward listening..they are geared toward getting YOUR viepoint across and in many situations it's your style of managenment versus another. I went to work one time and I said to the employees one time, so what gets you ahead in this huge chain of command, or is there anything..and somone said..well we are all union workers except for the manager...so if you want to get ahead you have to throw down an bannna peel ...I said what?..yeah, unless th eperson falls on the bannana peel and gets shipped out to the hospital..or the old fart dies..there is no way for advancment..and I started laughing. but essentially I was to learn what they said was the truth and working extra hard, and being dependable and doing an good job made you appreciated...but not in an advanced job position...with more pay. I went to an women's seminar one time in which she said, she lawys liked to wear low cut blouses to meetings..and then went on to say, because I always volunteer to pass out the information sheets and there will always most always be one guy there tha tlikes to look down my lbouse at my boobs...she had well endowed ones at that...then she would say..Like the girls?..and smile sweetly..becaus she knew it intimidated the guys to be told that..as the rest of the meeting table heard it. Beware. there are now "gals" out thereassavy as what I call the "good ole boys"in managment. Now...did anyone get their feelings hurt at some time to warrant the feeling they don' t"count" as to their personnal?...it happens to me also somedays. But since when were people always politically correct to others..never....most the time..I'mleaving you the "dots" inbetween to think of what you want to say and express it in th enext post. Actually as to my hearing, if it' son an good clear telephone line or an decent computer that doesn't give me problems...I communicate fairly decently.Some times if I skipover something, I think you've already said it well..or else I have an different look at things perhaps. I'm just glad right now this sickness seems to be finally going away in my house..but talk about expensive and other problems that came with it..it will take soem tiem to resolve them.

I have an lot of mispelled words..and when I tried to post this..I noticed it told me to  "log in" ..sent me to an page I had looked months ago and so it is I would say my troll is here..whose greatest joy is to make me look totally inefficent most the time. for everything I say on-line I have most the time been made to rewrite it least three times and sometimes four and it's still "processed" not spelled corretly or not spaced coorrectly. They have one big "ego" trip going on for them I think. If I tell you how I feel about things..then I suspect you will know me better?  Which is why the long postings.

....Now..go ahead an continue posting..and someday I'll tell you all about  the REAL personailty of "little Red Riding Hood" from an clinical view...you'll laugh your head off. In themeantime..I have an question also....new thread question...

You hold back the desire to give me good advice

This bit describes my husband.  In the end I always go to him, because nine times out of ten he is usually right.  But I have to make my own mistakes first.

Does this make sense