Jokes

One day at the bus-stop, a young lady in a very tight mini skirt,tried to get on the bus. She found that the skirt was too tight for her to get her leg up enough to get her foot on the step. So she put her hand behind her and undid the zip a little, but still couldnt lift her leg enough to board the bus. So she pulled the zip down a bit more. She still couldnt raise her foot high enough to get on the bus. So, in desperation, she pulled the zip all the way down. But, she still couldnt raise her foot high enough.

The man standing behind her, seeing her predicament, put his hand rround her waist and lifted her onto the platform of the bus. She spun around and shouted at him,"What do you think you are doing? Who gave you the right to touch me in that manner?".  "Well" he said, "after you pulled my fly down three times, I thought we knew each other well enough".

Oh my god Peter!  LOL!

Just then our bus arrived and we had to head on home. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.  It's important at our age.

Teacher is calling the register for her class. She gets to Tommy' 'Here Miss' says Tommy. Teacher says 'Tommy, why wern't you in school yesterday?' Tommy says 'Well, I was going to come, but dad got burnt so I could not' Teacher says 'I see , thanks for telling me. I hope dad is ok  now?' Tommy says  ' No miss, they don't mess about at the crematorium'.

Ray. 

For those of you outside the UK who don't believe there is actually a place name with 58 letters, I have just submitted a very old photograph to prove it!!

Two American tourists were driving through Anglesey, North Wales.  At LLanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress

"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are ..... very slowly?"

The blonde waitress leaned over and said

"Burrrr ..... gurrr ..... Kinngg"