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Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA | quotePosted at 13:37 on 20th January 2009 A guy goes to the doctor complaining of a chronic cough. After a complete exam and battery of tests the doc could find nothing wrong. When the guy asks, "What am I supposed to do?", the doc hands him a bottle of fifty laxative pills and tells him to take the entire bottle at one time. "How will this stop me from coughing?" asked the patient. The doc replied, "It won't stop you from coughing, but it'll make you afraid to cough." |
Cathy E. Posts: 8474 Joined: 15th Aug 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 13:43 on 20th January 2009 The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said, "Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!" The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and announces, "Who owns that big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong with him this time?" The cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you to know - you left your Injun running..." |
| Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA | quotePosted at 13:57 on 20th January 2009 |
| Cathy E. Posts: 8474 Joined: 15th Aug 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 17:56 on 20th January 2009 A man goes to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor says, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man is distraught and wonders how he is going to tell his wife. Well, he tells her and she takes it pretty well. "Honey, this is going to be a night that you will always remember," she says. "I am going to treat you like a king!" She prepares a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slips away and returns in the most incredible negligee the man has ever seen. She leads him into their bedroom. They make the most passionate love they have ever made. The man is beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock. He knows that he is doomed. He taps her... "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Honey?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells, "Oh sure!... You're not the one that has to get up in the morning!!! |
| Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA | quotePosted at 18:36 on 20th January 2009 Typical female...hrmmph |
| Gives Up! ' Posts: 1934 Joined: 30th Apr 2005 Location: UK | quotePosted at 19:18 on 20th January 2009 Norman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows. "Ten quid . ." she whispers. He'd never been with a prostiture before, but he decides, it's only a tenner. So they hide in the bushes. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a policeman. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife!," he answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," he says, "neither did I, til you shone that light in her face!!"  |
Craig Breakey Posts: 268 Joined: 19th Nov 2008 Location: UK | quotePosted at 19:51 on 20th January 2009 Only know rude jokes. |
| Gives Up! ' Posts: 1934 Joined: 30th Apr 2005 Location: UK | quotePosted at 19:54 on 20th January 2009 On 20th January 2009 19:51, craig breakey wrote: I'm over 18! (well errrrm, only just you understand)
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| Craig Breakey Posts: 268 Joined: 19th Nov 2008 Location: UK | quotePosted at 19:56 on 20th January 2009 They may offend other people. |
| Bob T Posts: 934 Joined: 8th Jan 2009 Location: USA | quotePosted at 19:58 on 20th January 2009 You'd have to go a lonnnnnnnng way to offend me. |
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