Jokes

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	Forums > Off-Topic_Chat > Jokes
Sarah Posts: 1311 Joined: 26th Oct 2003 Location: England	quotePosted at 21:07 on 15th May 2008 He he, I like that one Peggy I think we have some good jokers in the forum! My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Peter Evans Posts: 3863 Joined: 20th Aug 2006 Location: UK	quotePosted at 21:16 on 15th May 2008 Peggy, that should be, here's the good news but the bad news is-----!. Nice one. After 50 yers of marriage, old Joe's wife gave him a Bentley as a gift. How could you afford that he asked. So she said, every time you made love to me, I put £5 in the savings tin. God, why didnt you tell me he shouted. If I had known I would have given you all my buisines and you could have got me a Rolls Royce. My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
L Posts: 5656 Joined: 10th Jun 2004 Location: UK	quotePosted at 22:22 on 15th May 2008 WOW Peter, you got your brain in thinking gear I see, thats a good joke! LOL My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA	quotePosted at 13:52 on 16th May 2008 Two guys are out in the woods hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing? He says, "I figure when the bear gets too close, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear"! The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you… My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Peter Evans Posts: 3863 Joined: 20th Aug 2006 Location: UK	quotePosted at 14:03 on 16th May 2008 Good one Diana. If only I dould run. He he he. My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Dennis White Posts: 33 Joined: 9th May 2008 Location: USA	quotePosted at 15:14 on 16th May 2008 Speaking of running ... Legend has it that a missionary in the Serengeti once found himself being chased by a lion. He ran with all his might, but to no avail. The lion was closing the gap, and would have him in seconds. In desperation the missionary cried out: "Dear God! Please make this lion a Christian!" Miraculously, the Lion stopped in its tracks, got down on its knees, lifted its paws towards heaven and prayed: "Dear Lord, thank you for this meal I am about to receive." My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA	quotePosted at 16:15 on 16th May 2008 Good one Dennis...LOL! My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Ron Brind Posts: 19041 Joined: 26th Oct 2003 Location: England	quotePosted at 20:09 on 16th May 2008 You sure are a funny guy Dennis, or did you learn all this good stuff whilst in the UK? Please pass on my best wishes to Nadia (It's time she registered and had her own input!) My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Sarah Posts: 1311 Joined: 26th Oct 2003 Location: England	quotePosted at 20:18 on 16th May 2008 One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten long years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of good Irish Whiskey?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "Tis absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too." My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions
Peter Evans Posts: 3863 Joined: 20th Aug 2006 Location: UK	quotePosted at 20:47 on 16th May 2008 Nice one Sarah, he just had to be Irish. Three men in the army are captured and waiting to be shot in the morning. A scotsman a welshman and an irishman. In the corner of the cell they find a lamp. While rubbing the lamp, there is a puff of smoke and out pops a genie. Thank you for letting me out he says. I will grant you three wishes. The scotsman says, " I want to be in a pub surrounded by beautifull women". There was a flash, and he found himself in scotland in a pub with lots of beautifull women. The welshman said, " I wish I was home with my mam and dad". There was a flash and he found himself back home with man and dad. The irishman said," its lonely here without my mates, I wish they were back here with me". My favourite: Pictures \| Towns \| Attractions