Blond jokes, Or Essex girls.

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in.

 Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!

 

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin,

"For best results, put on two coats".

 

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store she notices a box full of live frogs. The Sign says "Sex frogs £20 each!  Comes with complete instructions.  The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter "I'll take one!" As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her "Just follow the instructions".

The blonde nods, grabs the box and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:

1. Take a shower

2  Splash on some nice perfume

3  Slip into a very sexy nightie

4.  Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise ..... nothing happens!  The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom it says "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store".

So she calls the pet store. The man says "I'll be right over". Within minutes the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says "See, I've done everything according to the instructions.  The damn frog just sits there".  The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says;

"Listen to me!!!  I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time"

Jo -  *aughty LOL - very good!

An Essex girl is driving home and gets caught in a horrific hailstorm, hailstones as big as tennis balls.  As a result, by the time she got home, her car was covered with dents.  Next day, she takes the car in to the body shop and asks what can be done to fix it.  The mechanic, noticing her hair color, decides to have a little fun.  "Just go home and park it.  Then blow really hard into the tailpipe and all the dents will just pop out."  So she drives the car home, parks, goes around to the tailpipe, gets down on her hands and knees and begins to blow.  Just then, her roommate, also an Essex girl, comes home and says, "What on earth are you doing?"  So the first Essex girl explains the instructions given to her at the body shop and resumes blowing.  Her roommate rolls her eyes and says, "Helloooooh!  Don't you think you should roll up the windows first?"

LOL! @ Everybody!  I've never been so glad to be a brunette!