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Always Honest or Okay to Hold Back?

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Ruth Gregory
Ruth Gregory
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quotePosted at 01:11 on 4th April 2009
On 3rd April 2009 17:57, Anna Hawthorne wrote:

 

Very interesting discussion.. and due to armouring of personality over time, (actual stiffening of the body musculature & ligaments) from early insults, degradation of integrity ( childhood trauma etc.) creates a need for protection of the fragile inner self, and the tendency to lie to avoid real trusting intimacy, confrontation and genuine human honesty and truth..which is the only way to solve problems and move on......there is a morass of reasons to not be honest...to not be fully oneself...because, there has to be a convoluted payoff in fakery...what is that? Avoidance of the pain of being alive. In other words, no matter the details of the 'reason' for being dishonest on any level...there is an instinctual observance of minute behaviours that indicate the 'loved one' withholding an emotional stash. This little pile of whatever resentment, fears of betrayal, slowly build a wall protecting the other from facing a disturbing FACT...and also prevents the flow of love. So,paradoxically, love lives in the truth of things, and needs this honest base...even though it can be tough going for a while to work out the 'stuff' .

"There is no remedy for love, it is a perpetual wound" Henry David Thoreau



Beautifully put, Anna. 

ROFL means rolling on floor laughing.

 

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Xxxx Xxxx
Xxxx Xxxx
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quotePosted at 03:30 on 4th April 2009

Ruth, thanks..and everyone ..

 

 now, do I look fat in these pants? 

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Ruth Gregory
Ruth Gregory
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quotePosted at 05:42 on 5th April 2009

LOL, Anna!  Laughing Sealed

That's definitely a question I avoid asking because I don't want to hear the brutal truth.  Tongue out

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Xxxx Xxxx
Xxxx Xxxx
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quotePosted at 16:06 on 5th April 2009

Ok, so why , may I ask is the phrase 'brutal truth' used..often to announce ? why not, another, loving term..? because we as a society have some kind of baseline fear of facing facts...consequences...of our actions...creating a muffled, idiotic story-tale that serves as a hiding place...for a while...depending on the brilliant intelligence of the faker & the level of loss if the truth came out.

this adherence to failure to take responsibility  for one's actions keeps lawyors busy & wealthy, and the courts overflowing~

we've ( society ) organised ourselves into a baby-food version of life... where denial  & dodging sharp arrows of truth seem to have been a preoccupation to the degree, that co-dependence to dysfunctional behaviour is a mantra...and a downward spiral of lying although keeping the wolf of truth from the door, eventually erodes self esteem and beauty of humanity.

how about this one.."the camera does not lie", but Picasa or Photo-Shop will!

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Ruth Gregory
Ruth Gregory
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quotePosted at 06:11 on 6th April 2009

It's unfortunate, but that's the way it is, Anna.  Going back to the original premise of the thread, I think "brutal honesty," is delivering bad news, that, yes, we want to remain in blissful denial about, while "truth" is an absolute.  But truth can also be used to hurt, to control, to confuse and if delivered in a way that will cause more damage, it's best to discern when and how and if to speak it.  If a person asks, by all means, be brutally honest, but again, it's a timng thing.  And it definitely does not mean lie about it.  But sometimes, it's just best to keep one's mouth shut.  The person who's in denial about a situation or even ignorant about a situation may have a lesson to learn from the experience.  Sometimes a bad situation will blow over, given the time.  It all depends on the situation and the people involved - their relationship, their level of emotional maturity, the consequences, etc.

 

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Diana Sinclair
Diana Sinclair
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quotePosted at 13:31 on 6th April 2009
I agree with you, Ruth. What good does it do to tell the brutal truth to someone who doesn't want to know?  In Jesus Christ Superstar, the character of Pilot asks "What is truth; is mine the same as yours?" It's a valid question even though I do believe there are absolute truths in the universe, there is also an awful lot of gray area when it comes to human beings and our relationships with each other.
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quotePosted at 16:25 on 6th April 2009

from Shakespeare's  The Merchant of Venice~    Truth will out

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