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Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 16:20 on 30th January 2011 How do you lose 190 pounds in one day? Divorce him. ;-)
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Krissy Posts: 15430 Joined: 8th Jul 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 16:24 on 30th January 2011 Here's a pun... The crossed eye teachers couldn't control his pupils!! LOL!! Sammie is the queen of puns!! |
| Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 16:27 on 30th January 2011 The definition of Easter: On Easter we celebrate the day Jesus Christ awoke from the dead, came out of the tomb, saw his shadow, and then went back in and hasn't been seen since. |
Marjorie Pope Posts: 6710 Joined: 13th Apr 2010 Location: UK | quotePosted at 16:41 on 30th January 2011 Not keen on that one!! |
James Prescott Posts: 25952 Joined: 11th Jan 2010 Location: UK | quotePosted at 17:02 on 30th January 2011 my mate has just hired an eastern european cleaner it took her five hours to hoover the house------it turned out she was a slo-vak
ive just been charged with murder for killing a man with sand-paper----i only intended to rough him up |
| Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 18:52 on 30th January 2011 On 30th January 2011 16:41, Marjorie Pope wrote:
No insult intended, Marjorie. I am a devout Christian myself. :-) |
| Marjorie Pope Posts: 6710 Joined: 13th Apr 2010 Location: UK | quotePosted at 19:51 on 30th January 2011 No probs Diana ... I just felt I had to comment. :-) Can't remember jokes myself! LOL |
| Diana Sinclair Posts: 10119 Joined: 3rd Apr 2008 Location: USA | quotePosted at 22:09 on 10th February 2011 In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brain s to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.' The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?' She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.' The defense attorney nearly died. The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.' |
Shaun Wilson Posts: 1832 Joined: 23rd Dec 2009 Location: UK | quotePosted at 22:40 on 10th February 2011 MAN SAYS TO WIFE Statement: "Do you love me?"
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| James Prescott Posts: 25952 Joined: 11th Jan 2010 Location: UK | quotePosted at 11:55 on 11th February 2011 i saw the R-A-C man this morning crying his eye's out in the van i said to the wife what's up with him, she said he must be heading for a breakdown.-  -------- its time i went. |
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